5/14/17 Notes to Myself: Mother's Day. I'm a mother with a daughter. And a daughter without a mother. At times I think I've felt like an empty cable car. It's hard to remember what my mother looked like it's been so long since her passing. I was 24. Last night I remembered some watercolor paintings I had stored in an old portfolio of mine. I decided to pull them out because they are my mothers. She was an extremely talented woman. Not a painter like myself but she did paint at times before I was born and maybe a short while after. I like this one of hers with the cable car in San Francisco. Red is one of my favorite colors and this piece reminds me of my childhood. I didn't really know my mom in a way that a daughter needs to. It might have been nice to talk about painting and to hear about what she might have wanted to do or be as an adult. I know she became a teacher but I don't know if that was her hearts desire. She was always busy. Visiting with her paintings feels affirming. I see that as a painter, my hearts desire didn't come from no where. It has roots and even though I often felt like I was on an island growing up, I see now she might have been with me. The lineage of women artists continues. My daughter's an artist who got off the cable car well before I did to look around the island. I'm not sure my mother ever had the chance. I do think she's here though. Perhaps helping me to see there has been a plan and the mother I've become is in part the mother she had hoped to be but couldn't. She got lost growing up.