Aging in Strength

7/19/16 Notes to Myself:

Feeling a little sad at the
moment. Sometimes writing helps
more than painting.
My dog was diagnosed with
kidney failure and lyme disease
last Friday. She's 14 and has
lived a good life for the 12 
years I've had her.

I just brought her home from 
the vet and I think it's just
a lot of maintence right now
and keeping her comfortable. She
hasn't been eating too much and
I hope that being home makes a
difference in that area. It's hard
to see her like she is. So quiet.
I have to give her IV fluids each
day for the next few days. 

In my moments of reflections while
she's been away I remember not 
wanting a dog 12 years ago.
It just felt overwhelming to me at 
the time. I was already busy with 
a family, home and job. My 
daughter was at that
age where dogs seem to
come into the picture. So my
spouse at the time and I agreed.

Today, I can't imagine not having
had her these past 12 years.
She's been such a great dog and
companion. Always happy, with her
tail wagging. She's helped
me heal through a lot of painful
experiences and changes. Sometimes
I wonder if that's why
she came by way of this home. She's
a strong little dog with a big spirit.
She survived a battle with a German
Shepherd before getting rescued down
south and almost put down. 

My experience with her in part has
taught me that sometimes the things
that come my way that I don't want
at the time are the real gifts.
It may take awhile for me to see
that but eventually I do! 

I want her to heal, but I know this
isn't a reversible condition. And I'm
not interested in adding more discomfort 
to her life. 

So I'm feeling a bit sad but also
knowing I need to carry on with life.
It's too easy to stop doing that 
and I know for me it's
not what's going to help me move
through this time with Chloe.

I will spend more time with her.
Love on her as best I can. And
maybe she will show signs of improvement
as that's always possible. Mostly
I want to respect her life and part
of that is also respecting when that
needs to move into another form. 
I'm staying open to when that may
be and trusting.


 

 

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