7/19/16 Notes to Myself: Feeling a little sad at the moment. Sometimes writing helps more than painting. My dog was diagnosed with kidney failure and lyme disease last Friday. She's 14 and has lived a good life for the 12 years I've had her. I just brought her home from the vet and I think it's just a lot of maintence right now and keeping her comfortable. She hasn't been eating too much and I hope that being home makes a difference in that area. It's hard to see her like she is. So quiet. I have to give her IV fluids each day for the next few days. In my moments of reflections while she's been away I remember not wanting a dog 12 years ago. It just felt overwhelming to me at the time. I was already busy with a family, home and job. My daughter was at that age where dogs seem to come into the picture. So my spouse at the time and I agreed. Today, I can't imagine not having had her these past 12 years. She's been such a great dog and companion. Always happy, with her tail wagging. She's helped me heal through a lot of painful experiences and changes. Sometimes I wonder if that's why she came by way of this home. She's a strong little dog with a big spirit. She survived a battle with a German Shepherd before getting rescued down south and almost put down. My experience with her in part has taught me that sometimes the things that come my way that I don't want at the time are the real gifts. It may take awhile for me to see that but eventually I do! I want her to heal, but I know this isn't a reversible condition. And I'm not interested in adding more discomfort to her life. So I'm feeling a bit sad but also knowing I need to carry on with life. It's too easy to stop doing that and I know for me it's not what's going to help me move through this time with Chloe. I will spend more time with her. Love on her as best I can. And maybe she will show signs of improvement as that's always possible. Mostly I want to respect her life and part of that is also respecting when that needs to move into another form. I'm staying open to when that may be and trusting.