Becoming Undone

1/22/15 Notes to Myself:#128 5 x7 Eggs Fourteen_4021B2Sometimes I find my artistic expression
mirroring my internal journey.  I don't
always understand or see it. On occasion
there comes a signpost of awareness direct
to my heart and spirit.

Affirmation of the path emerges.

Lately I feel as though I am becoming "undone",
broken, exposed and vulnerable. Pieces of me
are emerging sometimes falling out and it's
scary. Often it's difficult to put into words.
Maybe that is part of why I paint.

This week I finally completed a series of
paintings that I have been working on over
the past months. The artwork isn't entirely
finished as the collection will be put together
to form a larger work and statement.

The subject "eggs". I found myself drawn
to explore them, taking a variety of views
and capturing them on canvas. Fascinated
with their symbolic nature and the idea of
birth,renewal and wholeness inside, I jumped
in and began painting. Many of the paintings
depict cracked eggs or simply shells. Toward
the end I worked on exposing the yolks,
sometimes capturing the amazing "goo"
oozing out in between the cracks.
There was a beauty to it all
and I could have kept going. There were
limitless interpretations that continued
to cross my mind. In that sense this work
could claim the status of being "undone".

Coincidentally, (and I don't believe
in coincidences) this past week I came
across this quote by Cynthia Occelli.

"For a seed to achieve it's greatest
expression, it must come completely undone.
The shell cracks, its insides come out and
everything changes. To someone who doesn't
understand growth, it would look like
complete destruction."

I couldn't have said it any better.
Shells crack and stuff emerges in this work.
And like me, the painting may look like
complete destruction when it's all
"put together". But better that
perhaps than having an exterior presence
that appears cohesive but can't reach anyone.

I know I've had that in my life time. It's
what's limited my creative expression and 
still can. However, as I become more
"broken" and my insides emerge things
do change for the better even if that's
not always visible.

I'd rather risk complete destruction
and be in an ongoing state of becoming undone.
Its simply more real...
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